Struggles

Going back to work after having Abby is the second hardest thing I have ever had to do.

The last three months have been nothing short of a vicious rollercoaster ride of emotions as I tried to adjust to my new normal. I have been heartbroken to leave Abby, scared to miss any part of Abby's life, excited to have tasks to focus on at work, disappointed because I have not had a chance to make a few things for special occasions, angry with the condition of my house, frustrated with my lack of patients, disgusted with my lack of working out, happy to work with my volunteers again, stressed over my to do list, exhausted from the lack of sleep because I'm staying up till midnight or so trying to get it all done. The transition from wife and employee to wife and mother, and then to wife, mother AND employee has truly been a struggle.

The problem is that I am a bit of a perfectionist and control freak, neither of which get you very far when trying to balance being a mother , wife, housekeeper, employee and all around sane person with a sense of self. My way of thinking is that if I'm going t do something, by God, I'm going to do i t well (if not excellent). But, this is not working for me. Everyone keeps telling me that something will have to give and that it is ok if the house is a mess, laundry isn't done, etc. I have tried to change my way of thinking and letting go of "the little stuff" but I haven't had much success. The high expectations I have for myself--as a wife, mother, employee and the high hopes of keeping SOME personal identity--have left me nothing but disappointed. This is no way to live, nor is it a good example for me to be setting for my impressionable daughter.

After much thinking and deliberation, I have decided that the best thing for me and my family is for me to leave my job and focus on us. With that, I am happy to report that this past Tuesday I gave my three week notice and starting February 23, 2010 I will be a full-time stay at home mom!! I have big plans for my time at home and I can't wait to fill you in on them as the time comes!